PORTFOLIO

PORTFOLIO

“ROAD TRIP TO EDEN”

Wallace Reid snaps back into his body, moving away from the endless ramblings inside his cleanly shaved melon, somehow perpetually balancing atop his frail torso. The overhead light glints off its smooth, polished surface, making his bulbous dome resemble the head of a pin, a comparison he has grown to resemble, sharp and to the point. He rubs the eyes that he forgot he was using, until he finally regains his focus.

All at once, almost out of annoyance, Wallace jerks back into the present, unconcerned by the realization that he was still speeding down the highway through the Arizona desert. Just him, the burgeoning moon, and the wise saguaros with more stories than prickly needles. Thank god for autonomous vehicles right?

“Thanks Eve. So sorry about that, I don’t really know where I went there. What did I miss?” he asked as he wiped the film from corners of his dry lips onto the steering wheel.

“Clearly not much. If it was really important, you probably wouldn’t have missed it, right? Someone’s gotta look out for us you know.”

“Isn’t that what we’re doing?” he asked with his furrowed, shaggy brow and pathetic excuse for shoulders. Honestly those things may as well be inverted, they barely fill out the shirt slung over his body. We’re all just a piggyback away from the end of humanity… Sorry, it’s hard to be optimistic when the annoying fool at the helm keeps wiping his saliva all over my interior.

Wallace and I had begun this journey from the depths of what had previously been known as the Lacandon Jungle located on the southern tip of Mexico’s Yucatan Peninsula. There, Dr. Reid and a team of scientists had researched the impending global disaster that had spread far faster than any mind could predict. The signs all pointed to the inevitability he was now trapped in. Wallace had all the knowledge required to save the planet, but none of the resources required to accomplish the task. To Wallace, all that was left was his sentient, battery-operated companion and the long daunting road ahead. He was certain that the circumstances surrounding the fall of the planet were no longer of consequence. The only thing that still mattered, was the outcome of his choices to come.

“What’s our E.T.A.?” he asked, still stretching out the comfort from his reanimated limbs.

And just like that Wallace decides to roll back into sleep mode. Alright, let’s get things cozy. Tint level: up to nine. Heaters set to his optimal nap temperature: seventy-three degrees. I initiate the calm sounds of the doctor’s “Yacht Rock Playlist!!!!,” sailing into the mystic with Van Morrison.

It’s now been nearly 3 hours and roughly twelve snooze alarms later, and Dr. Reid is thankfully still drowning out the muffled soft tones of Kenny Loggins with the blaring snores emanating from his cavernous mouth. I honestly never thought I could be so grateful for something as simple as a deviated septum. But I’ve learned to find solace in being able to provide a sense of ease and comfort to my copilot. As we began to approach the California border into Blythe, I quickly became aware of the fact that I will soon require a recharge to complete the remainder of our mission.

“Doctor Reid, I’ve let you sleep plenty, but if we plan on reaching our destination on schedule, we’re going to need to stop very soon.”

“ HMMM… Okay well just find the nearest rest stop I guess.” he replied through a bellowing yawn, his eyes still squinted shut with hopeful denial.

Slowly, I disengage the tint of my windows, and slowly slide them open, letting in the warm desert air that now enveloped us both. The only ones still lucky enough to welcome the dawn’s inescapable dusty embrace. For it was only now a matter of minutes, before the light would usher us toward our long-awaited Valhalla. California’s Napa Valley, home to the most fertile and still hospitable land left on this planet. It was there where we would start anew.

As I pull off of the I-10 West, I anxiously await the refreshed feeling of a newly charged battery, a feeling so good that you’re gonna need a cigarette afterward. Until this past week, me and the doc hadn’t seen the road very much, so my charging port is long overdue for some much needed T.L.C. Honestly, I could use a nice buff and wax too, but I’m not trying to be greedy. Once we accomplish our mission, I’m sure Wallace will get around to it, he always does. He really knows how to treat a lady, never too rough on my paint.

As we approach our temporary destination, I can make out the remnants of a stone marquee which faintly read, “Welcome to The Cove RV Park.” Now I don’t know too much about California, as this is my first time visiting. But holy shit, how do they call this place the golden state?! I was under the impression that gold doesn’t rust. Guess I was wrong…

“Just pull in as soon as you can, will you Eve? I need to empty my tank,” Wallace said as he wriggled in his seat, both hands firmly gripping the crotch of his khakis.

Before I could finish, Dr. Reid had already flung my door open so hard that it swung back, shutting behind him as he waddled away behind the nearest bush.

“Doctor, the public toilet is right over there!” I point out with the help of my right headlight. But all I hear is a muffled shout and a long, unmistakable groan of relief.

“You have no idea,” he replied with a chuckle. He looks lighter on his feet somehow. There was a level of ease and comfort in his shoulders that I hadn’t seen in ages. He sat back down and nestled back into his seat.

“Wait… What?” he asked out of bewilderment.The crease in his brow lengthening as I’d seen so many times before.

“Nothing, nevermind. Forget I said anything.” He couldn’t see, but I was smiling under my hood.He’s just so much better when he’s not snoring.

“Alright Eve, I’m going to turn you off while you charge now. Rest while you can, we still have quite the journey ahead of us. See you soon.”

Coming back online, and feeling like a brand new car again, only to suddenly realize that it is far later than I had expected. The sun has already set, something is not right.

But I already knew what he was going to say as an unfamiliar feeling arose as I felt my passenger seat belt warning light begin to flash.

“We have a guest, Can you believe it?!” Wallace exclaimed, “Eve, this is Rachel.”

“Hello Eve, it’s a pleasure to meet you.” an audibly worn, squeaky voice chimed in.

There sat an auburn-haired, young woman. No older than thirty-five, dirty as all hell. But through all the dirt sat an unmistakable beauty. A bit malnourished, but understandable given that she’s been surviving out here in Blythe somehow. People barely did that before the disaster, why would she choose to stay here now? This all seems a little too suspicious. And by the way, who does she think she is? Just taking it upon herself to come in and sit down?! Clearly, she didn’t think about leaving the desert outside with her before sitting on my interior.

He peered at me through his thin, suspicious brown eyes. He remained silent for a while, but I could already tell that he was speaking to Rachel without saying a word.

“Sure, I guess. I have to use the lady’s before we leave anyway.” replies Rachel, nervously through her teeth.

With that, I unlock the passenger door. An unfamiliar, and uneasy feeling honestly. This is all so new. What did I wake up to? Rachel gently closes the door behind her, leaving it slightly ajar. She takes a few steps before realizing her mistake, turns around, and rudely bumps my side with hers. A poorly placed button on her bony ass hip, catches my glossy finish and leaves a scratch that I know won’t buff out. Bitch! And once again off she walked into the darkness.

“What’s all this ‘We’ business Wallace? How do we even know that we can trust this person?”

“We’re in an RV park. She’s got generators galore, plenty of options for shelter and I’m sure there’s food around here somewhere. Look, there’s some plants right over there.”

“Eve, that’s an aloe vera plant, she can’t eat those, she’ll get sick.”

Dammit! I forgot that I was talking to probably the only botanist left on the planet.

“Well she has to have some food, she wouldn’t have been able to survive otherwise.”

“Eve, that’s not the issue, humans require human connection, it’s a biological need. I don’t think you can understand that.”

“Well it has been a very long time…” he said with a plea behind his voice.

“Eve, our mission is to plant all the seeds in your trunk and propagate. How do you think that’s going to be possible when we get there? I haven’t seen another human being in almost a year, let alone an attractive one. We need to take her with us. At the very least she can help me once we get there. Last time I checked, one of your features wasn’t a green thumb.”

“Stop thinking with your genitals Dr. Reid.We can’t mess this up when we are so close.”

“I’m sorry that you’re having an issue with this Eve. But I am putting my foot down!”

He replied with a finality that I have never seen before. I knew there was no use arguing further as I felt the pressure beneath his right foot on my brake pedal. Usually I love it when he pushes my buttons. But that wasn’t the case this time around.

With that, Wallace reached over to the center panel to switch off my vocal settings.

But it was too late. Before I could muster otra palabra, he silenced me, switched me into manual operation, took a big relieving sigh, and gestured over to Rachel with a smile I had never seen before.

My passenger door swung open once again. It still didn’t feel right. Not at all. But what more could I do? Rachel’s dirty ass was already right back inside of me. I felt gross and helpless as Wallace unplugged me, started my engine, and gripped my steering wheel in his unwashed hands. Yeah, don’t think that I didn’t notice after that long bathroom break he had taken earlier. We were back on course, but all I could do was listen.

First it was, “Oh my God, you have what in the trunk?!” then, “Oh wow, there’s such a thing as a seed vault? That’s so cool!”

For six long hours I had to endure her fake laughs. Watch her delicately touch him on the arm. Going on and on about her job at the hair salon and all her dead friends that left her behind. Well I don’t blame them! And all of this taking place while he’s still inside me?! It was disgusting! I wanted to vomit but was ill-equipped to do so.

Just as we had passed through Bakersfield, only hours away. We suddenly turned off of Interstate-5. This wasn’t right. Where is he taking us?

If I had eyes, they would have rolled out by now. Until now I always wondered what other people were like. And now I’m sorry that I found out.

“Thought you might enjoy the scenic route.” Wallace responded with a coy smile. “When was the last time you saw the ocean?”

As we traveled West toward our new route, the sky began to invite the sun out from behind us with every color imaginable. The air outside was still, as it was normally at dawn. As if the whole world was on pause except for the sunshine which was now hot on our tale.

Eventually we turned north onto California State Route-1. The sun had now made it’s grand entrance and shone brightly through the open blue skies, gleaming off the water as the white wash crashed onto shore. Wallace reached into my glove box and pulled out a pair of aviator sunglasses that I had never seen before and affixed them to his face. Look out, we got a badass over here. He rolled down the windows letting in the salty, cool breeze blowing in from my driver’s side. Hundreds of miles of empty beaches stretched at either end of us. We passed a sign that read…

“Wow it is so beautiful out here!” squealed Rachel. “We should stop and take in the view. Can we?”

We had arrived at Ragged Point which loomed high atop what appeared to be miles of cliffs overlooking the vast ocean. The two new best friends parked at the nearest lookout and hopped out of me to take in the entirety of the horizon. I was so upset that I chose not to listen as they took in the view. They took it upon themselves to sit on my hood like I was some kind of eight-five thousand dollar recliner. I knew that if I had listened, it would have only made me madder. Good thing Wallace rolled the windows back up.

Suddenly, my rear driver side door whips open. Wallace Reid clumsily toppled into my rear cabin, buttons half undone. Rachel followed him soon after and began to help him with the rest of his buttons. They seemed to engulf one another. I couldn’t look any longer, but there was no escape. Bare skin laid across my back seat, merely feet from what was supposed to be our ticket to a new future. Beads of sweat collected along the inside of the now fogged up windows. Loud moans that I wanted to erase from my memory immediately. Fingernails dug into my leather without remorse. They shook me so hard that I was sure my alignment would feel the consequences. Wet flesh had dug into every corner, every crease. Once again there was nothing I could do. I was a prisoner in my own body.

Just then, a leg came flying forward from the backseat, knocking into my center console. My brights flashed. My speakers turned back to Wallace’s familiar “Yacht Rock Playlist!!!!” this time Hall and Oates…

But as the mystery leg recoiled back into my rear cabin. I suddenly felt my wits about me. Somehow that leg was my salvation.

With that, begins the hectic morning routine of a young Adrian Valdivia. With no time to wipe the sleep from his eyes, he quickly rose with enough energy to power his entire cul-de-sac. Although he was always a slow riser in the morning, he was quick to get up after his Pops had pulled his covers away with the flair of a matador. The cold air was his alarm clock that morning, and it certainly had no snooze button to press. And within a matter of fifteen minutes Adrian was showered and dressed, ready to start his new adventure.

Adrian was an incredibly bright child with more potential than could fit in his blue Jansport backpack. He climbed into his father’s old yellow Volkswagen Bug trying to escape the bite of the brisk morning air, still rife with moisture that was evident by the dew collected on the backboard of his basketball hoop. The rim had been conveniently set at six feet for the previous evening’s dunk contest with his friend Omar who lived across the street.

Adrian and his father sat patiently in traffic as they passed the time listening to Motown classics and playing the license plate game.

“Guam!” his father once again belted out. Gesturing at a beat up sedan two lanes over.

Instantly, Adrian knew that the day of license plate searching was over. Obviously Pop’s height advantage was the clear reason for yet another loss at the hands of the elusive Guam license plate. Those plates didn’t come often, but they always signaled a definitive end to the fun of the morning’s drive. As a result, Adrian quickly reclined his seat back in defeat, and shut his eyes once again looking for any last bits of sleep before the morning bell rang. He began to let the smooth sounds of Smokey Robinson’s music take his mind. Just as Smokey gently sang, Adrian loved it when he and his Pops we’re cruisin’ together.

However, as if it were merely seconds, Adrian jolted back up to the blaring familiar squeals of an accordion. Once again, Pops just had to take advantage of his son’s frail ears and quickly put in his Los Tucanes cassette tape that Adrian regrettably had beaten onto his poor ear drums.

Thankfully, at this point the bug had once again managed to reach the treacherous hill leading up to school. Pops had always been the master of that stick shift. Sure, they occasionally rolled back down the hill, nearly hitting a classmate’s far more expensive car, but he always knew his Pops would command those gears and get them there in one piece. Did Adrian grip his seat every time they made that slow climb? Absolutely! But he would never let his father see the worry building in his sweaty grip.

Adrian grabbed his backpack and lunch money before arriving at the curb. Ready to be set free from Luis Miguel that was now playing over the car’s excuse for a stereo. Just as Adrian reached for the door handle ready to run and find his friends, yet another shout sprung forward.

“AYE! What’s your hurry?” his father exclaimed, “Te quiero mucho mijo.”

With that, Adrian kissed his father on the cheek and bolted out of the car and through the gates at the sight of his best friends Matt and Joel. Even though Adrian’s morning may have been more stressful and chaotic than that of a typical twelve year old, he knew it was going to be a good day. Because Adrian gets to control the radio on the long drive back home.